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Thursday, 19 November 2009
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Reflecting on Frogs
I don't think I have ever written about my total dislike/fear of frogs and toads. When I was teaching, I made it a point not to mention this little known fact. Fifth graders can be notorious little practical jokers. I wasn't about to subject myself to become the butt of one of those 'jokes'. So I said nothing. I remember acting very calm and authoritative once when, on the playground, a student innocently held a toad out for me to see. Feigning immense concern for the fate of the toad, I said, "Oh! Please go put him out in the field where he won't get stepped on by other students!" My heart was racing, but, thank God, the student did what he was asked.
No. I don't like toads. I don't like frogs. But tonight, all I can think about is FROG. But this FROG is different. When I don't understand, when I hurt, when I feel pain I need to FROG......Fully Rely On God.
Sometimes circumstances in life go way beyond the range of reasoning. Often there's just 'no good reason' that some things happen. Or, at least, 'no good reason' that I can see or understand. That's why I must FROG. The Bible says that 'In this world we will have trouble. But take heart! I (Jesus/God) have overcome the world!" (John 16:33) Now that doesn't help me much in understanding the situation. It doesn't take away the pain. But it DOES help me knowing that He understands and cares about the me, the situation, and the pain.
Nahum 1:7 says The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.
Psalm 34:18 says the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Proverbs 3:5 says Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight (or will direct your paths). A handwritten note in the margin has the word heart underlined and pointing to the words, "You feel it in your bowels, trust with everything in you." FROG. Fully Rely On God. Especially when it hurts. Especially when it's impossible to understand. Especially when there is nothing else to do but FROG.
Fully Rely On God.......I am learning more every day why I need the word FROG in my life.
Monday, 02 November 2009
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October Changes
The month of October has come and gone once again. And with it, things have changed and life goes on.
My mother-in-law passed away the ninth of October. Just the day after I wrote the last entry to my blog. With her passing came a kind of peace knowing that she no longer had to endure a body that didn't respond the way it had just a year ago. There was peace knowing that she had been given a new body in heaven. There was a peace knowing that she was now talking, probably with my parents, about the three grandkids and great granddaughter they shared. There was peace knowing she is experiencing life that is incomparable to what we know here. But still there is an emptiness left by her leaving. Hers is a place that cannot be filled. Yet there is peace in knowing that we will see her again. I am thankful for the gift of knowing her.
October brought a change in family structure and, also, in seasons. The leaves had never been more beautiful and brilliant as they were in October. The weather here, normally somewhat sunny and in the sixties, was cold, rainy, and windy in October. The leaves, now brown and blown from the trees, have found their way onto the yards hiding in bushes, and piled into great heaps by strong fall winds.
Another birthday has past for me giving me another reason to pause and reflect on things that are most important to me. God knows the desires of my heart and graciously arranged for time with family throughout the weekend. There is no greater joy for me than to have all of us here, safe within these walls from the cold winds and gray skies. Away, for a time, from the cares and the realities of life just to focus on the faces of those I love most. To be blessed by their laughter, their experiences, and their news. These are the birthday gifts I most enjoy and will remember in days to come.
October has come and gone once again. And I thank God for His grace, His gifts, and His goodness as He has walked beside me each day.
Thank You, Lord!
Thursday, 08 October 2009
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There's Peace in Reflections
It's appropriate, I think, that the picture at the top of the page says Reflections. That is exactly what I have been doing that last couple of days. Reflecting on different people, different situations, and then bringing them to God because it can get to be 'too much' to handle alone.
I have to bring it to God because He knows. He knows all that was going to happen before it happened and how it's going to end. He knows the reasons. He understands my questions, my fears, and my worry. He deals with my doubts. He feels my hurts. He loves me in spite of myself.
It's as though, sometimes, things happen all at once. Not to me exclusively, but to those I know, those I am acquainted with, those I have prayed for, those I am praying for. A man mourns the sudden death of a brother while getting ready to see his daughter sent to serve in a foreign country. Parents lose a young adult daughter to some obscure skin disease. A mother and her twins are diagnosed with H1N1. A grandfather recounts the loss of his teenage granddaughter to a drive by shooter. A mother loses her 19 year old son in a freak motorcycle accident. My mother-in-law has a second stroke in seven months and is unresponsive.
So I sit and reflect. I think about the man who has lost his brother and whose daughter is about to deploy and I know he is trusting God even though he might not understand. Trusting. I read an email about the parents who've lost the daughter to the skin disease and I hear words like strength and trust and witness of the girl who died. I think about the mom whose son died and she talks about the blessing of having had him in her life for 19 years. And I reflect on my own mother-in-law and I think of the strength she has exhibited her whole life, and especially the last eighteen years.
She lost her husband in 1991 in a drowning accident. We all watched as she, in the following years, recovered from breast cancer and, later, a heart attack. I think back over the years we shared times together and how she loved to be with her family, especially her three grandkids. I remember her sitting at each of the weddings of her two grandsons and how she loves those two new granddaughters as though they were her own. I remember watching her in her wheelchair, after her first stroke, looking at pictures of her own granddaughter, Kimber, in her prom dress. Even then she was unable to verbalize about the pictures, but the smiles and the 'awws' were unmistakeable. And oh, how her face would light up as she watched her great granddaughter, Aubrey, then about 7 months old, take treats from her hand. There are so many more times we shared together as a family and things I reflect on now as she lies so ill.
I reflect and I know God has blessed us. I reflect and it makes me sad. I reflect and I know I will see her again, not the way she is now, but in a new body. But in the meantime, I give it to God. It's too hard to understand, to deal with. But I know He understands me, how I hurt, where I am coming from, and that, in itself, gives me peace.
Tuesday, 01 September 2009
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Moments of Selah
Moments of selah. Pause, praise, lift up.
At church our pastors have led us through a series on worship. This past Sunday was Celebration Sunday, a way of ending the series and celebrating all we have learned through the series. Selah was just one part of the messages.
Finding the new theme for my posts, I came across this picture of a chair beside a lake. Oh, to be in that chair just for a while. To sit and think and be thankful. But then I considered where I am right now. In the quiet of the study, preparing to write thoughts of a blessing-filled day, and acknowledging God Who made this day and my desire to rejoice in it. Selah. Pause, praise, lift up.
I don't need to be in any 'special' place to do that. It doesn't need to be any special time of day. Selah can take place anywhere, any time, and often. I just need to be aware of 'practiciing' selah and to constantly be aware of God's gifts throughout my day.
When I taught fifth graders, I had a small ceramic box that looked like a Christmas gift. It was a bright, shiny green with a red ribbon tied neatly around it with a bow on top. Each year I would set out that box on my desk with a sticky note attached. The note read, "Look for Life's little gifts". Because I taught in a public school, I used Life for God. To me it means the same thing. To the public, it was 'politically correct'. Even then, many of the students knew exactly what I meant by the term Life. I had bright students!!
I always made a point during the year to explain The Box. Even ten year olds can learn to become very aware of the small things in life that are a joy, are usually unexpected, and don't cost a thing. We just have to open to all the gifts around us within reach, within sight, all day long.
One gift I love is the impromptu gathering of family. Just tonight, both Kris and Jo showed up to pick up Aubrey and we invited them to stay for supper. God knows my heart as it desires having family around. Selah.
Another gift was Aubrey's belly laughs. It is just pure joy to hear this little one get so tickled inside that she laughs with great abandon. Her unexpected hugs, the way she sometimes cradles my cheeks with her little hands before she gives me a kiss are definitely gifts to this Grammy. Selah.
Unexpected calls from my college daughter to share 'girl news' is a great gift. Hearing that her day's gone well is a blessing. Selah.
Seeing a hummingbird land on the chair just outside the window and staying there long enough to be photographed was a gift. Watching my plants bloom every summer is like seeing them for the first time. An unusually cool summer without all the humidity is certainly a gift to one who likes the temperatures in the seventies. Selah.
Every day God is pouring out blessing after blessing. Often we are too busy, too inwardly focused to notice that He is continually showering us with gifts. If we'd only notice. If we'd only be aware. If we'd only take a moment of selah. Pause, praise, lift up.
Yes, it would be nice to sit in that chair beside the lake. I am sure that it would be a blessing to put my toes in the cool water and relax in the sunshine. But I am pausing to praise God for this room, the study with its desk, computer, light, and windows.
Aaaaaaah, and what do I hear??? One of God's little gifts to me this time of year....the sound of cicadas on a summer's night.
Selah.
Sunday, 23 August 2009
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Moving On
There is nothing like the power of prayer and knowing that people are praying for you. I am so very thankful for people who have lifted me up, and continue to lift me up, as I experience this life change that I have so dreaded. We took our daughter, our third and last child, to school last Saturday. Moved her out, moved her in, and left her there. It wasn't quite as easy and cold as that all sounds. Not by a long shot. But the date that I so dreaded all summer (and, honestly, for the past several years) has come and gone and I am still here to say that God is good!!
The actual move itself was not the difficult part. She did a great job sorting, packing, and checking to see she had what she needed. The parking lot was not full of anxious new freshmen and their parents heaving and hauling 'life in suitcases and boxes' up flights of stairs. We unloaded the Explorer, carried things up, tried to stay out of the way as four girls and several parents took up space in our daughter's (and her roomies) new abode.
The difficult part was Friday night when she came to say good night. Innumerable times before we had said good night in the exact same manner, but that night was different. We were both struggling with emotions knowing that the next night, and many nights after that, we would not share this same familiar, comforting ritual. We knew that life in general would never be the same. That night was the point where we would be taking separate paths, God appointed paths I have no doubt, but separate, nonetheless. That was the hard part. That was the breaking point. So we sat with one another and cried for a while. Then, holding hands, we prayed.
I can't even begin to tell you exactly what the prayer entailed. I just have a picture in my mind of the two of us, hand in hand, coming before God with a prayer that was emotional and sincere. But it was also a prayer praising God for the wonderful daughter He had given me/us. We thanked Him for the opportunities she would soon experience. We prayed for wisdom she would need in her daily living. We even thanked Him for the hurt we were feeling. We were hurting because we were sad we would part, but thankful it hurt to part, to be away from one another because it meant we loved each other. I remember us laughing at this point because I said I was glad she had not been a 'miserable person to live with', but was a joy and so there was pain in the parting.
The peace I felt at the end of that prayer was amazing. It was totally a God filled moment. Who could understand 'letting go' of a child better than the Father Who had given His Only Son? By no means do I compare our situation with His, but only to demonstrate His compassion for us in whatever situation we find ourselves.
So, today, life is different. Things change, sometimes over a period of 18 years, sometimes in the blink of an eye. But one thing I know will never change is God and His love for me. And for that, and another lesson learned, I am thankful.
Thank You, Lord.
mamatark
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- Name: Kathy
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 6/10/2007
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